20 weeks!!!!

HALFWAY THERE BABY!!! I cannot believe that in about 18-19 more weeks, I will have you in my arms!

We had our big ultrasound on Tuesday. Mommy and Daddy planned to let it be a surprise on delivery day, whether you were a boy or a girl. In the beginning, I honestly didn't care either way, whether you were a boy or a girl and soon I started to hope you would be a boy so Jayden could have a little brother. But once my family found out I was pregnant, everyone was convinced you were a girl. People were referring to you as she. Your nana was subconsciously choosing gender neutral items that had more pink and green in it than anything else. You future godmother had even went so far as to go out and buy girl clothes for you! I have to admit, all of this talk of you being a girl made me start to believe you were. It also made me start wanting you to be one. When thinking of names, I mainly focused on girl names. Right now, I have a list of about 12 girls names and only 2 boys names (one which was vetoed by your daddy!). I started to worry if I could go the next 20 weeks or so, not knowing. I feared being disappointed on delivery day if you weren't what everyone expected you to be. I prayed on it the night before the ultrasound and asked God to speak to me and tell me what to do. That night, I woke up from a nightmare...You were born and the Drs announced "It's a boy!" and I was so disappointed I cried and didn't want to see you. That broke my heart! Right then and there I knew I needed to find out.

I was so excited at the appointment. My palms were sweating and my legs were shaking. I just couldn't wait to see you and watch you move around. The Dr didn't keep us waiting. We immediately saw your sweet face, although it was covered by your hands AND your feet. Oh my goodness, it was the absolute cutest thing ever to see you all curled up like that. At first you weren't moving around, so the Dr went to do other measurements until you decided to finally move your hands and feet out of your face. Once you started moving, I felt everything and seeing it on the screen was just amazing. Your feet!! Oh my goodness they are so cute and I cannot wait to kiss your little toes! We saw your eyes and you opened and closed your little mouth. The Dr then measured your legs and when he was done measuring he moved around and all of a sudden I knew right away...A BOY!!! You are a sweet sweet boy!! I was overjoyed and so happy that I found out! I love you so much already and I am so happy that I had that joy in my heart and won't have to fear the feeling of disappointment simply b/c you are not what everyone else expected you to be. You are exactly what I expected you to be...My healthy, sweet baby!!

We still haven't told the entire family yet. They will find out at the baby shower. I think that will be so fun :) We may have a name picked out for you, but I won't refer to you by that name until I'm absolutely sure it's your name! Until then, you are mama's little man and I cannot wait to meet you, sweet boy.

19 weeks

My how I've grown! I've gained back the weight I lost and some extra weight to go along with that. And I'm definitely looking like I'm carrying you in my belly now. Everyone at work likes touching my belly to try and feel you move but you are not kicking hard enough just yet. You still move around a lot though, especially when I lay down or when I'm at work. I think you move around a lot at work b/c you hear the other babies that I'm playing with.

Just a few more days until I get to see your sweet face! Daddy and I have decided not to find out if you are a boy or a girl, but 98% of the people we know seem to think you are a girl. We will find out in January if you prove them right or wrong!

18 weeks

My how you've grown! I know b/c the scale tells me so! I can also tell b/c my belly has gone from being non existent to a cute little bump. I had no idea how heavy it could feel though. I'm trying to learn how to balance the shift in weight. It's pretty hard for me to get out of bed or to stand up when I've been sitting on the floor playing with the babies at work.

Speaking of the babies at work, they are getting me soooo excited to meet you! I've been snuggling little newborns and inhaling that sweet new smell. Mommy cannot wait to snuggle you and breath in your brand new scent all day long! I also cannot wait to change your teeny tiny diapers. And the first smiles and coos?? Mommy cannot wait! I think your big brother is very excited as well! He wanted you to get in his bed and take a nap with him today. He kisses you every morning and every night and says how much he loves you. He also pokes at you trying to make you laugh. You are going to love your big brother!

I really do think I felt you kick me 3 times this morning. I'm for certain that I felt one kick b/c that one made me jump! Your daddy thought it was so funny. Every time I feel you move around in there, it makes this all a reality that you will be joining our family soon. We already have a few things ready for you for when you arrive. Every time I look at it, I smile. I know I say this over and over again, but I cannot wait to see you. And judging by how fast time is flying, it won't be long before you are in my arms and we can stare at each other all day long. I love you, sweet baby.

16 weeks

I went for my monthly check up this week, to check on you and to make sure I'm growing on track as well. You are doing just fine! Very active in there and your heart rate seems to stay on the higher end of the 160s. Such a beautiful sound :)As for me, I'm finally doing better and putting back on the weight I lost in the 1st trimester. I still have 3lbs to gain to get to the weight I was before getting pregnant, but I'm sure I will be there soon enough ;) The Dr asked us if we wanted to have the triple screen test done to find out if there was any possibility that there could be something wrong with you. We denied the testing b/c we know that no matter what, we will love you for who you are despite any disabilities or health problems. We've waited far too long for you and nothing will keep us from meeting you in a few months!

I'm off to pack our bags now for Orlando! Your first trip to Disney and we hope to take you again in the future when you can actually enjoy the sights and sounds. Love you!!

15 weeks

Wow! In the beginning, I felt like the weeks were dragging by. Maybe because I was soooo sick. However, now I feel like time is flying! I'm almost halfway through with the pregnancy, which (right now at least) sucks to me because I am JUST now started to enjoy it! I'm feeling better, reflux is finally under control (fingers crossed), and I'm feeling more human as each day goes on. The best thing yet?? I CAN FEEL YOU MOVE! Oh my goodness! I was told this would be the best feeling in the world, and it is absolutely true. I smile each and everytime I feel you, which has been very often these past two days. You are VERY active in there! I wish I could see what you are up to in there. I know that you like to tease us when we try to listen to you on the doppler now. I can instantly find you with the doppler and you will stay there for a few seconds and the there's a LOUD thump when you kick the doppler and hop away! Next thing I know your heart beat is nowhere to be found and you are now on the other side of my stomach. Then I move the doppler and we start the game all over again. Yesterday, your big brother wanted to listen. Boy did he get a laugh out of you kicking the doppler. I bet he hopes you will pull antics like that once you come home! Then you guys will be double trouble ;)

13 weeks

The second trimester! Time is really flying by :) My intentions were to write to you at least once a week, but the first trimester was extremely hard for me. Not only was I extremely exhausted, I was very, very sick. By the 6th week of pregnancy, I started throwing up just about everything I ate. Drinking was very hard as well. I lost a lot of weight and became dehydrated. I had to go to the emergency room for fluids and monitoring and was placed on bed rest for a week in order to allow my body to use catch up to all of the changes going on (and to hopefully gain some weight). I will not lie, it was miserable :( The medicines that the Dr gave only took the edge off, but I knew that you were thriving so it was all worth it! I finally started feeling a bit better at the 10 week mark, but just as things were going well I had a new concern. I was leaking fluid and the Dr suspected it was amniotic fluid. The fluid you need to survive. The Dr decided to perform an ultrasound to check on your fluid level. In the end, you were just fine and I got to sneak a peek at you again. I think you were sleeping!

Everyone says that the second trimester is the best. I am finally starting to feel a lot better so I do hope that it proves true for me. My weight gain is still negative, and besides a little belly pouch, I have no evidence of you inside of me. My only constant reminder is through a little machine called a doppler. I can place it on my belly and listen to your heart beat. I love listening to it and what I love even more is how you run away from the doppler. :) One second, I can hear your heart beat really loudly and then it will slowly get lower and lower as you move away from the wand. I can't feel you move yet, but it's fun to know that you are moving around in there and actually responding to my touch. As I listen to your heart beat, I talk to you, I pray for you, and I thank God for you. I love you so much already!!

9 weeks

April 29. The day that our family was changed forever. It definitely caught us by surprise! I had been feeling ill for about a week, and was having strange food aversions and a weird taste in my mouth. I started to convince myself that I was pregnant, even though my period wasn't even late yet. This wasn't the first time I convinced myself I was pregnant, so I knew I was setting myself up for a broken heart. So, on April 29, after work I decided to run out and grab a cheap pregnancy test. I figured at least the sight of a negative test would stop me from psyching myself out. So I hurried home and immediately went upstairs to use the test. I will never forget what I saw and the emotions that went through me at that very moment. First, I was in doubt. There is no way that this test is positive. NO WAY! I stared for a while, then took the test downstairs to your daddy. He told me he saw a plus sign. I couldn't believe it. I ran out and got a better test. Came home and used that one. TWO PINK LINES!!! OMG WE DID IT!!! I laughed, cried, and praised God!

See, we were told by 3 different Drs that we could not conceive without IVF. I have endometriosis and my right tube and ovary are completely covered in scar tissue. So my chances were very low, of conceiving without medical intervention. One thing about your mommy, is that I never stop fighting for something that I want. We were saving money for IVF, but in my heart, I knew we could do this on our own. And surprise!!! Here you are!

So far, you are growing so well! We heard your heart beat just a little over a week ago and it was like music to my ears. I cannot believe that you are growing and thriving in my belly!! Mommy has been pretty sick, though, for the past 3 weeks. Trying to get food into my stomach for you has been hard. We have a great Dr, though, so I know all will be well.

You are due on Jan 12, 2012 and I cannot wait to meet you. My miracle baby!!